Day Time Nightmares and Night Time Follies
by AlienaCooper
Summary: When the war becomes too much, some medics can simply break down. Suzie, a senior nurse, is one of the unfortunate this happens too. Better summery inside- one shot, OC don't like, don't read , no real pairings- it's up to you to decide if there is.
1. Part One

Summery: During war, people see terrible, horrible things. Most of the time they can disassociate themselves from it, think about it logically- compartmentalize; soldiers have to do this, but medics must more so. But when the war becomes personal, this compartmentalizing can fall to pieces. Suzie is a nurse, and this medic's nightmare had just come true for her. When two surgeons take it upon themselves to cheer her up... do they just do more harm then good?

AN: my first MASH ff, so please go easy on me =] T for language and implications =P

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PART 1

It was early. Very early. The birds had only just started singing. The sun was just beginning to creep over the edge of the Earth, there was a sort of warm smell in the air, from the humidity. Summer time in Korea was always hotter than anyone liked to think about.

This was what Suzie Chong woke up to. Her eyes fluttered open, and she made a face. Her head was throbbing her, her eyes hurt and that buzzing sound in the air that had started up was going to drive her insane. Why she just had to drink so much was a mystery to her. She knew her hang overs were lethal, and still she ended up joining BJ and Hawkeye on their binges, she was one of the few females who could keep up. Usually Margaret joined her, but recently she was too distracted with her issues with Donald.

Donald… Margaret could do so much better that him…

She refrained from muttering darkly and moved to sit up. She stopped, stock still. This was bad…There was an arm over her stomach. Now this wouldn't have been too bad, she wasn't proud of it, but she'd ended up collapsed on the floor with one or the other of the surgeons in the past. The problem was… she was lying on a cot… under a blanket… the blanket was the only thing hiding her modesty.

Her eyes scrunched up. She did not want to see who it was. She was too scared to.

Instead she looked around the tent. It was messy… male- bad thing. There was an alcohol distiller… getting worse. There was an empty cot- Winchester was away on r&r. Worse. She looked to the floor. BJ Hunnicutt was sprawled out in his underwear, scratching his chest in his sleep.

"Fuck…" she muttered. She forced herself to look round. Lo and behold, Hawkeye Pierce was lying next to her, snoring gently, arm around her waist and pulling her close. Just as she suspected, sticky sheets and stark naked bodies. Drunken sex never was glamorous. But with a friend? A good friend? A goddamned surgeon?!

She had possibly just made one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

And she could not even remember doing it.

(the day before)

Suzie was sitting just outside the mess hall, her knees drawn up to her chest as she sat on the ground. She always insisted she preferred sitting on the floor, she never went into great detail as to why. There was a smoke between her fingers on her left hand, but it had been neglected for so long it was nearly at the butt and a pile of ash had gathered by her boots.

It was clear to anyone who walked passed she was not really with it, her eyes were lost to the blue sky, it was almost as though she was completely resistant to the heat.

"Would you look at that," Hawkeye sighed having left the mess hall with BJ, "I want to be where she is?"

"On the ground?"

"Else where. Think she's got a freezer somewhere near by, coz I sure as hell couldn't look that dreamy if I didn't."

"Unless she's stuffed it up her-"

"She lost three patients today," Margaret interrupted.

The two surgeons looked at her, shocked.

"One died before he got to the table, she held his hand as he went. The next died on the table, went into a septic shock-"

"I know," BJ started, "she was helping me."

"Yeah but the third was the worst. Her cousin's boyfriend, friend of the family. Came out of surgery fine, spoke to her for a few minutes, started complaining of stomach cramps and died not long later. We missed a small piece of shrapnel in an artery, sliced through his heart."

The two men looked at each other. They did loose some. They hoped none at all and with a 97 per cent survival rate, it was always very hard to help these boys. But someone she knew personally? That had to hurt.

"I don't want either of you boys corrupting my nurses- that woman has enough on her plate."

"You called her a woman," grinned Hawkeye.

"So?"

"You like her."

"What is your point, captain?"

"My point? I've got no point. Did I have a point?"

"I don't think he did, major," agreed BJ.

Margaret looked between the two and shook her head. "Regular Laurel and Hardy you two." She stormed off looking even more angry than before.

"What is it with emotional females?" grumbled Hawkeye.

"What do you mean emotional- they're all like that." BJ paused. "I think we help her out."

(present)

Suzie wasn't sure how but she managed to wriggled out of Hawkeye's grip. He was a strong man, something she didn't expect. But being in the army and being on the front line, doctors and nurses did have to be strong.

She was still in the process of finding her clothes, they were strewn across the tent.

She managed to get her underwear and pants on before things started to take a turn for the worse. BJ groaned.

She stopped stock still sitting on the edge of Winchester's cot. She was in the process of looking for her top, which seemed to have utterly vanished. BJ was still groaning.

He rolled over, his eyes blinked open and he caught sight of Suzie.

"What are you doing here?" he asked though it came out more 'wha'cha doin' 'ere?'

"I uh… I guess i didn't make my way back to my tent," she shrugged.

"Where's your clothes?"

"Got hot in the night, I ended up sleeping in my underwear. Don't tell Winchester, we don't need him getting excited over that."

BJ snorted and closed his eyes again. "Yourashitliar," he mumbled. The gentle snores a moment later proved he was asleep again.

Thinking about it, Suzie figured he was probably still drunk considering the amount he had consumed. From what she could actually remember.

(nearing evening)

They had managed to persuade Suzie to join them at the bar. Klinger was serving that night and he was very likely to give Suzie a concession. She hadn't really said a word to them since they had managed to get her to walk with them to the bar. She simply lit up another cigarette and started actually smoking this one.

An hour on and she was through her second packet, third drink, and still fairly quiet. Hawkeye had given up, he had taken to trying to chat up the nurses. Doing strangely well at that.

BJ looked at his friend, then shook his head and looked to the nurse in front of him.

"Suz… look… I…" he wasn't even sure where to start, "the war it's… we've seen… one of these days…"

"Are you going to finish one of those sentences?" she asked, looking at him, there was a strange half smile on her face.

"I can try to… just as I figure out which one works better."

"We'll be here a while then."

"Not much change there then."

She snorted, but shook her head and took another long drag from the dirty white stick in her hands. Her forehead creased as BJ kept opening and closing his mouth.

"Hey, fish-face, if you're going to tell me it's a nasty war, and we've got to make best of a bad situation and all those boys living we have to look after or any crap along those lines? I'll make you eat those words. I've heard talk like that a thousand times. The Colonel already gave me that one." She drowned the drink and waved for another one. "I very nearly walked out on him…"

"Not a good idea to do that."

"I said nearly didn't I?"

BJ shook his head. "All right, you know them how about this. Your family friend, your cousin's boyfriend- what ever he was… he came to this war… why?"

"Because he's a patriotic moronic bastard… he wanted to prove to my uncle that he was good enough to marry his daughter." She paused. "He wanted to make a difference… he was never good in school, got himself wrapped up in all the wrong things, wrong people… so he thought he could do good in his own little way…" She grabbed the drink Klinger handed over and downed it. "And he has to die for it? That's pathetic!"

"Hey hey hey- easy does it. We've seen all sort of boys die here, many of them think the same way. You think he thought that his death was pointless? Do you really wanna trivialise it that much?"

"No."

"Then…" BJ put a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you ask the men in his patrol, ask them how he was injured?"

Suzie looked at him, finished the drink and walked out of the bar. BJ almost moved to follow her then changed his mind.

"Hey Klinger, whiskey."

"Which type?"

"The one with the least taste. I'd like to have a real reason to throw the drink back up again."

(present)

The elusive top was eventually found trapped under Hawkeye's back. She had to roll him to be able to get to it. It was a little worse for wear, smelt of sweat and wrinkled like a prune, but not stained.

She pulled it on, skipped around BJ and pulled on her boots. Her next job was to get out of the tent without being seen. Not that it really mattered, at that time of the morning she could claim getting pissed off with the boys and decided to have a go at them because she needed a rest. She wandered if she would have gotten away with it.

As she looked around outside, all seemed quiet. Nothing moved. She promptly walked out and made her way over to the nurses tents, her own was shared with two other women, both younger than herself, both fancied themselves very professional. She found the younger nurses appeared to take MASH much more seriously than herself.

Once inside her tent she stripped off, pushing the clothes with the dirty laundry, pulled on her pyjamas and grabbed her towel, bathrobe and toiletries. She felt like she desperately needed a shower after the night before.

(twilight)

The boy she was sitting beside was recovering from a fractured leg. Fairly straight foreword, he had broken it from the force of a grenade going off. He knew Jamie, the family friend. They had become fast friends from when they first joined the army. Luck would have it that they were put on the same platoon.

"Jamie? He… you have to understand miss, a lot of us are scared about one thing or another. Some don't wanna get blown up, some don't wanna get shot and die slowly… some don't wanna have to see the faces of people they kill. Jamie… he was scared of letting us down. His family, his friends, his platoon… he did everything he could to help us you know? He'd go above and beyond anything that was expected of him."

Suzie smiled. That sounded like Jamie. She'd known him since he was only five. He was a big brother, he liked helping people out, he always did what he was asked and then some. It was simply in his nature. That was her only explanation.

"So today… when we were ambushed… Jamie did what he always did, he was right in the front, trying to pick off the enemy, to protect us. Then the grenade went off. He saw it first, he shouted the warning and pulled other boys to the ground with him. He was one of the first few up, he wasn't hurt bad. So he came looking for the rest of us, most of us weren't- I was. I was mighty pissed off, miss, I can tell you that. Jamie told me off good too- said I was a fool for letting these bastards get the better of me."

The patriotism to the point of degrading the other side still bothered Suzie. But it was certainly understandable for the boys. It gave them a reason to fight. Gave them a real enemy.

"Then another one went off, this time it landed in the jeep. I was leaning on it so I didn't see it. Jamie did. He reacted instantly. He threw me aside, my leg hurt like a bitch miss, so I was angry see, thought he was monkeying around- like he thought it was a joke. But then I see him diving over some of the other men, pulling them to the ground too- but he weren't fast enough. One of the boys died then and there, the other one's over there miss, the surgeons say he'll make it, but he's scarred miss."

Suzie glanced over at the boy. He was bandaged up quite a bit. His face, his hands, his limbs. But he was alive.

"Jamie just wanted to help. He liked helping and he didn't care what sort of danger he was in. I never understood why. He said something about wanting to prove to his girlfriend that he was good enough… but I dunno…"

"It was her father," smiled Suzie, "he wanted to prove to her father."

"I think he proved it…"

"Listen… Greg… could you…" she sighed, "Jamie was like family to me, it was my uncle he wanted to prove his worth to… could you… speak to him when you go home?"

"Sure thing miss! I'll tell him what I told you, and I'll tell his gal too."

"Thanks Greg… 'priciate it." She stood up suddenly. "I'm doing rounds in the afternoon tomorrow, I'll come see you then."

"All right miss." Suzie turned to leave. "Hey miss!" She looked back. "Don't be too sad, he'd gone to a better place now. God will make sure he's rewarded for what he's done."

"I hope so," she replied, she left quickly after that. Outside she pressed her fingers to her eyes and shook her head. God will make sure he's rewarded… what God put him there in the first place?

(present)

Having washed herself, dressed herself, she finally felt herself again. People were waking. The kitchen was making breakfast. She could hear people going to the latrines, getting washed up, generally living.

As such, she did her usual routine after a night out with the surgeons in question. She walked over to their tent and walked in. She knew what state they would both be in- comatose.

"All right! Up! Now!"

They both moaned and rolled over.

"NOW!"

BJ groaned. "Do we have to?"

Suzie heaved a sigh, hooked her arms under his and pulled him over to his bed, next to Hawkeye's, and sat him down. She grabbed the bottle of water by their bed, and splashed it in his face.

"ARGH! I'm up I'm up- fuck sake." He rubbed his eyes, "I need an aspirin."

"Should have thought of that earlier," she passed him a pill and the bottle, "knock yourself out."

"I wish."

Hawkeye's turn. She leant over him and yelled, "THE NAZI'S ARE COMING!"

The surgeon sat up faster than she had expected and almost knocked her out. She fell backwards landing on her behind glaring at him.

"Wrong war," growled Hawkeye hand to his head.

"Could you cover yourself up," she complained getting to her feet, "there are just some parts of your anatomy a girl does not need to see."

"Wha- oh…" he pulled his covers around him.

She handed him the aspirin. "Get changed, go eat, you've got rounds soon."

"Yeah but couldn't-"

She had already left.

Hawkeye looked at BJ. "Was it something I said?"

(twilight)

The tears came slowly. She wasn't sure what she was more angry with, her country for sending these men to their deaths, her uncle's pride or the deity that allowed human nature to be so cruel and disgusting. She wanted to scream, shout, set fire to something. She had to do something and it had to be big.

She pulled out another cigarette and lit that too.

"I've never seen you smoke so much. I hardly see you smoke at all really."

Suzie didn't have to look up to know that it was Hawkeye approaching her.

"I don't usually. I gave up three years ago."

"Why take it up again?"

"Stress. I only smoke when stressed or angry." She let out a gust of air and looked at him. "What do you care- don't you have some pretty nurse you have to entice back to bed?"

"Yeah, guess I could do that. But right now getting a bit drunk and disorderly with a few friends sounds better about now."

"I don't always make a good drunk."

Hawkeye touched his chin. "Don't I know it. C'mon, first round's on Klinger."

"Always is."

(present)

Their hang overs had more or less worn off, the surgeons made their way to the mess tent. Breakfast consisted of cardboard toast, powder egg and something spongy- turned out it was meant to be a sort of sauce.

Hawkeye poked at his egg, "Now when you poke yoke… is it meant to reform?"

"Maybe it'll become a chicken."

"Nah- then we might have to eat real eggs."

"Heaven forbid!"

"Hey isn't that Sue? Hey Suzie!" The half American half chinese woman had already walked out, she didn't even glance back. "Seriously- did I say something?"

BJ shrugged. "Probably. I think she went to see that Greg bloke in post-op, he was friends with that kid she knew."

"What kid?"

"The one who died after surgery yesterday."

"Oh that kid- that kid? She knew him?!"

BJ just looked at him. "Sometimes I wander…"

"Wander what?"

"Why you don't go backwards sometimes."

"Wish I could- then I'd know why half the nurses here wanna shoot me."

"Hawkeye, BJ mind if I join you."

"Morning father," BJ greeted him with a smile, "coarse not."

Suzie on the other hand was not making her way over to OCR. Instead she was going straight over to Colonel Potter's office, where Radar was, and with any luck, Klinger.

(evening)

The three of them together started getting more and more rowdy. They had started trying to play darts, which was always a bad idea with a drunken Suzie. Usually her aim was deadly accurate, when sober. When drunk, her aim was… she had a deadly aim was all that could be said of her when in that state.

So far the only good thing to have come out of it was the fact she had managed to score two more packets of cigarettes. Otherwise the three of them were getting steadily more and more disorderly.

At one point Suzie stumbled off to the nearest latrine. Hawkeye and BJ were left laughing at each other.

"So why's Suzie all depressed?" slurred Hawkeye.

"Dead friend- she's all pissed off with the war," his friend slurred back.

"We all are! She shouldn't take it so personally!"

BJ tried glaring at him, only to start laughing. "Ah why don'cha just go flirt with the nurses summore? Ya good at that!"

"And leave mini Margaret in your hands? No way!"

"She's not-"

"Ssssh she's comin back."

Suzie was back, cursing like a marine. She sat down promptly and glared at the table, then looked between the two surgeons. "I don't like soldiers who are back on their feet."

"Why not?" BJ was confused.

She pointed at a table where a few somewhat tipsy soldiers were sitting grinning at each other. "That's why. If they to near my ass again I'll break them! Fuckin' teach them to touch my ass…"

"What!" Hawkeye was on his feet, "that's not right! I'm gonna have a word with them!"

"Me too!" agreed BJ, standing as well, "with who?"

Hawkeye simply dragged his friend across the bar towards the group. They were to be discharged back to their platoons the next day, but it appeared the surgeons were ready to change that.


	2. Part Two

PART 2

(Present)

Suzie was quiet as she sat in the colonel's office. She waited for him to finish on the phone with Winchester who appeared to be complaining about something. She wasn't paying attention. She simply stared at her hands waiting.

"Right, now Suzie, there was something you wanted?" she made no reply, "Suzie?"

She looked up, startled. "I uh- yes sorry," she smiled meekly, "I'm somewhere else, sir."

"Considering your night last night, lutenant."

Suzie hung her head in her hands, groaning. "Please I don't need reminding. They were only defending my honour."

Potter chuckled. "The soldier boys weren't actually hurt, their egos were bruised, but that's about it."

She smiled again, but it was still sad. "Listen… I… I need a favour."

"Yes?"

Radar came over the intercom. "Incoming wounded! Incoming wounded! So much for a break."

Suzie and the colonel were on their feet and out of the door in moments.

"The favour can wait," she told him.

"I guessed- get moving."

"Yes sir!"

(night)

Hawkeye and BJ were on the floor next to the bar, glaring up at Suzie who had just pulled them away from the soldiers. There had only been a few blows exchanged, but she was still annoyed.

"Wha's'at for?" she demanded, frowning to keep them in focus.

"For… lifting moral!" protested BJ.

"Literally," grinned Hawkeye, who had attempted to throw one- only managing to push him.

"Don't care- I said I'd deal wi' them- fighting isn't necessary- it shouldn' b an option?"

"She don't appreciate us," Hawkeye was practically pouting.

"They never do."

"Maybe not you- but they usually appreciate me- I know what I'm doing."

Suzie looked between them, the two grinning idiots, then put out her hands. "C'mon, we drink till we remember nothing… yes?"

"YES!" the men agreed, taking her hands. She lost balance and ended up sitting between them, laughing hysterically.

"I think- I think we carry this on back at the swamp- forget the soldier boys," BJ was pulling himself up to his feet and helping Suzie to stay stable as Hawkeye tried to keep himself steady. Failing miserably at it too.

"YES!"

(present)

Ten patients all together, none with fatal injuries. Most could be saved. It was a case of finding the shrapnel and extracting it without damaging the body more than it had to be.

Suzie found herself working with BJ on a young man similar to her friend Jamie. She was running on automatic, doing everything BJ asked her to do, but doing nothing to join in the banter in the OCR. She couldn't even hear it.

"Zip him up!"

Suzie was staring at the wound. It was clean, red and pink, no ghastly grey or blue in the flesh at all. How it should look. But that was how Jamie had looked… they had still missed a spot.

"Suzie!"

She snapped out of her day dream. "Yes doctor." She took the needle and thread and proceeded to put the flesh back together again.

Finally they were finished. Outside, the afternoon was hot and unforgiving. Suzie and Margaret stood outside having removed their scrubs and were back in their uniform. Margaret looked at her friend.

"You all right?" the blonde woman asked.

"Yah! I'm fine. I'm great…"

"You're not smoking."

"So?"

"It's a good sign." Suzie looked at her. "I take it the boys managed to teach you how to have fun again. I warned them not to mess you up too much last night."

Suzie laughed. "I'll be honest- I can't remember much of last night. I just know I woke up with…" she paused, it wouldn't be a good idea to reveal that part… "with a throbbing head ache, feeling fairly light." Her face fell. "So now I feel guilty."

Margaret put her arm around the woman. The two were about the same age, all the other nurses were younger than she was, so she was grateful to have gained a nurse that was with her for the long haul. And someone she got on with very well.

"I gotta talk to the colonel," she said suddenly, "I'll help you do rounds soon I promise."

"All right." Suzie began walking away. A thought struck Margaret. "Hey Sue-" she turned around, "we got all of it this time… I promise… no unnecessary deaths."

There was a smile again. This time is was tiny, miserable. "I can't tell that to Lettie…" She left, faster this time.

Margaret wasn't worried in the slightest. It was a process. She wasn't angry any more. She had already drowned her sorrow and now she was facing it. From what Margaret had learned of Suzie Chong, it was the way she functioned.

As for Suzie herself she walked towards the main building quickly, ignoring everyone she walked passed, almost to the point of walking into them. Which is what she did to Hawkeye.

She looked up at him, an eyebrow raised. "You did that on purpose."

"Because you're completely out of it- what was that you pulled in surgery-"

"Not now, Pierce- please? I gotta talk to the colonel."

"Right now?"

"Yes- I'm coming back to do rounds, you can lecture me then, I promise. But right now I… I… I'll be back." She side stepped him and walked away very quickly.

(night time)

"RED QUEEN! YOUR TURN BJ!"

"He passed out," Hawkeye was laughing.

Sure enough passed out on the floor next to them was the solid form of BJ in his underwear. Suzie frowned.

"We should put him in bed," she murmured.

"You wanna pick him up?"

"Me?! You're stronger."

"I'm drunker."

"You're not!"

"I am. You keep cheating so I keep loosing."

"Pfft- light weight!"

Hawkeye glared at her. "We keep playing- we'll see whose really a light weight then."

Suzie glared back then nodded. The two continued throwing down cards, getting the rules confused, drinking more and more as the night went on.

"You know," Hawkeye was leaning against BJ's prone form by this point, "I dunno why you're so torn up about this kid- you see guys like that go in and out of MASH, some make it, some… don't."

"He was like my cousin, I knew him when he was like," she tried indicating a small height, "yeah! And… and I saw him die- That's not good, Pierce, that's bad."

"Bad… yeah but this whole fucking war is bad… and don't call me Pierce."

"Yeah yeah birdie-face- two shots."

"What?"

"You need to take two gulps of your shit industrial strength alcohol- we'll talk after that- light weight."

(present)

Sherman Potter was waiting for her in his office when she turned up. She couldn't help but flush red when she saw this.

"This favour?"

"Could… could you get Radar to try and get into contact with my uncle?"

The colonel frowned. "Why?"

"I need to tell him his son-in-law is dead."

"They weren't married."

"They should have been," her face darkened. Sherman nodded. There was no changing this woman's mind. She was going to tell her uncle what happened and there was nothing he could do about it.

It didn't take Radar very long to get hold of Benjamin Logan, Suzie's mother's brother. Sherman walked out of the office as the conversation started and sat in with Radar, warning him not to listen into the conversation.

It appeared that Suzie had kept her temper throughout the conversation. There was no shouting or screaming, otherwise they may have heard something. But there was nothing. From her facial expressions she was keeping blank. Occasionally she nodded as she spoke, but more often than not if she had an expression it was that of anger.

A short time passed. Ten minutes at the most. She hung up, sat back in Sherman's chair and closed her eyes, fingers to her eyes. She looked as though she wanted to cry.

Sherman paused, and shook his head. "Poor girl," he murmured.

"Sir, I don't think we should bother her," Radar said earnestly. As Sherman looked at the clerk, he could see the young man felt bad just watching the woman almost burst into theirs. He had a while to go before he learned when to leave a woman and when to intervene.

The older man put a hand on his back. "Leave it to me."

He walked into the room, quietly. He approached the chair and put a hand on her shoulder. She jumped at looked at him, then smiled and stood up. "Sorry sir, it shouldn't have taken so long."

"That's fine Suzie."

"I need to get back to post-op and-"

"Do what you have to do," he told her, "you don't need to explain anything to me."

She paused then without really thinking out her arms around her bosses neck, hugged him briefly and walked out. Sherman wasn't surprised. The woman was an emotional creature just then.

(nearing midnight)

"This was a good idea," said Hawkeye, smirking.

"Only coz you're winning!" complained Suzie, she was sitting in her uniform pants and bra holding, probably, another loosing hand as they played strip poker, then she grinned, "but I'm cooler." She wriggled her toes. "I hate boots."

Hawkeye glared at her blearily, shirtless, vest less and single bootless, he was winning, but he still felt steamed up. Suzie looked much more comfortable that he did. She was grinning at him quite comfortably. It might have been the drink, or she was completely desenisthised, but she didn't seem to care that she was so exposed. Not that he minded in the slightest.

By this point neither of them were really in control of what they said or did. Everything and anything seemed like a good idea or a really good idea. BJ had been left on the floor as the two of them had taken over a bed to play more comfortably.

"I fold!" he announced suddenly.

"What?" Suzie was startled, "you can't do that!"

"But I don't wanna wear my boots."

"Then take it off- play proper."

"Fiiiiine…" he pulled off his boot and socks, the picked up his cars again.

He looked at Suzie, she was somewhat out of focus, but she was still there. There was something cute about the confusion in her face as she looked at her cards. Normally she was so guarded, but just then she looked so vulnerable, so cute. It was strange, Hawkeye liked her angry, assertive.

"Call!" she shouted

They showed their cards. Hawkeye lost.

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

BJ groaned and rolled over as Suzie shushed her friend.

"I just took off three items."

"You wanted to."

"But I said fold!"

Suzie growled. "Fine. Fuckin' baby- next time it two items."

By this point the two of them were inches apart.

"Sure you don't want it to be more?" he grinned at her.

(present)

Evening was nearing by this point. Suzie was outside the mess tent again, smoking again. She was shivering despite the heat, her eyes lost skyward. No body dare talk to her, even Margaret let her be. There was simply a time and a place.

Throughout rounds, Suzie had been very focused, checking charts, temperatures, stitches and so on. She spoke to the soldiers very little. One of them hit the nail on the head with her.

"I'm sorry for your loss ma'am," he said to her as she checked his stomach wound.

She looked at him stunned. "What are you talking about?"

"You have that look miss, we all know it. So… I'm sorry. But you know- he's in a better place now, God and Jesus will look after him."

Suzie smiled at him. Anyone who knew her well would have spotted the fake smile immediately, this boy didn't. "I'm sure they will."

He was the last one, she walked out quickly after that, Margaret had met her outside.

"It's nice to see," Suzie said, "these boys still keep their faith even if their God is putting them through hell."

"It's all they have," Margaret tried to comfort her friend, to no avail.

"I wish they had more."

So there she was again. Eyes skyward, this time more accusatory than anything else. She was on her feet, one arm across her waist as she hid the lit end of her cigarette with her hand. It was the first smoke of that day, and she promised herself it would be the last for her entire life. She always told herself that… at least it meant she was no longer a regular smoker… at least it meant it was now something she associated with something bad.

"I get the feeling," Hawkeye was approaching her again, as he had done the night before… this time he was alone, "that you've been avoiding me all day."

She looked at him, then looked skyward again. "Who do you blame?"

"What?"

"For this messy pathetic excuse for a war- who do you blame?"

"The government. Who else? This wasn't our war to begin with… you?"

"People… greed… power… God…"

"Don't let the father hear you say that!"

"God forbid," she replied dryly. She was lost again. This time he didn't want to drop it, he walked closer. Then she spoke again. "What do you remember of last night?"

He hesitated. "Not very much, it's kind of a blur."

"I thought as much," she turned to look at him, they were inches apart.

(nearing midnight)

"I like your lips," he said dryly.

"They're just lips." She couldn't help the smile that came to her just then.

"I didn't say they were anything else- I just said I liked them."

"I didn't notice… You're very close."

"I know."

"You're getting closer."

"Are you asking me to move away?"

"Never said that."

(present)

"You're being too emotional, Sue."

"I've just told my cousin her fiancée has died in action when under my care. I blasted my uncle for telling Jamie the only way to prove himself was to go into a war zone. I watched him die. I'm allowed to be emotional."

Hawkeye didn't know what to say, but he didn't move. Where they stood, behind the tent, in the dark where the only light was from the cigarette in her hand, no one could see them.

"People might start accusing you of being a woman."

"Perhaps. Might not be such a bad thing."

"They might loose respect for the MASH ice queen."

"Would you?"

"No- look that's besides the point-"

"So why would the others?" She shook her head, she seemed to loose balance and fell foreword, leaning her forehead on his collar bone. He didn't know what to do.

"Suzie… you're… very close…"

"I know. Want me to move?"

"I never said that," he put his arms around her body. She was shaking.

(midnight)

"So if I came this close," he pushed his face closer to hers she was leaning back by this point, leaning against her palms, "you won't care."

"Not really."

"How about…" he kissed her neck, "this close?"

She shivered and smiled. "Nah."

He grabbed her hands, the two lost all balance and fell flat onto the cot, it shook for a moment, Hawkeye on top of Suzie. BJ growled, they looked at him. He rolled over. Nothing else. They looked at each other and grinned. Their noses were touching by this point.

"This close."

"Don't care."

"Ah… so if I do this?" he kissed her mouth gently, her arms automatically wrapped around his neck pulling him closer. He broke this kiss, breathing heavily, his own arms wrapped around her slim body, pulling her closer still.

"I'd say don't stop," she replied, smirking from beneath hooded eyes, her arms round his neck pulling him back to her.

(present)

She looked up at him, their noses were practically touching by this point. Hawkeye found himself with his large palm against her cheek, pushing her hair away from her face.

"I'm sorry," she murmured and made to move away, he pulled her back, "what?"

"I- I just think you shouldn't go just yet, not the state your in."

"You… don't care me being this close to you?"

"Hey- I'm a surgeon, pretty nurse this close to me- I love it."

Behind them there was a crash, they spun round, Hawkeye found himself hold onto her hand. The two of them saw no one, they found out later it was Radar's goat knocking over some metal.

The two of them looked at each other laughing.

Suzie shook her head, then, without warning, wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head beneath his chin. Hawkeye held her close to him, her whole body was shaking now. He didn't understand why.

"Thank you Hawkeye, you make a great friend."

"Hey, what are friends for?!" he said, trying to keep his tone upbeat.

He may have said he had few memories of the night before, but he remembered far more than he had let on, her soft skin, the smokey smell of her hair, the sound of his name in her voice, he still remembered it. Yet he found himself saying the stupidest things. He was so used to getting his way… he was usually the one who couldn't remember the night as clearly as the other party. This was strange for him.

The entire situation was alien. Still… woman in his arms, needing him in more ways than she was probably willing to admit… not a bad situation to be in.

She looked at him again, leaned up and kissed him softly on the cheek. He almost lost all hope until he realised, or hoped, she lingered for a moment near his lips.

"C'mon," she said, "we'd better find the others before they assume things."

"Ah let them assume! It'll give 'em something decent to talk about. Drinks again tonight?"

"Yeah… you know what, I think I need it. Though I kinda hope I'll actually be able to remember something by the end of the night. Think it'll end the same way?"

"We'll see, Suzie, we'll see," he said knowingly, putting an arm around her leading her back to the mess tent.

The smirk that Suzie couldn't see in the gloom said, 'I sure as hell hope it does.'


End file.
